bad movies

The 10 Worst Movies I've Ever Sat Through

3:49:00 PM

It's happened to everyone. You go see a movie in the theater or rent one you think is going to be worth it, only to be left wondering at the end 'what just happened?'

I watched a lot of movies in college and a lot of those movies weren't exactly Oscar-worthy, so I decided to put together a list of the worst movies I've ever watched from beginning to end.

I started by writing down every movie I wish I had never started to begin with, let alone sit through til the closing credits. Then I narrowed it down to the ten I absolutely refuse to ever watch again.

 Hard Candy (Drama/Thriller)
Director: David Slade
Stars: Patrick Wilson as Jeff Kolver, Ellen Page as Hayley Stark
Box Office Earnings: $1,007,962

At one time my roommate was dating a guy who worked at Hollywood Video, so we would ask his advice on new releases. Usually he was spot-on with his recommendations, but then he told us we should watch ‘Hard Candy’.

In short, it was like watching a train wreck. So horrible but we were unable to look away. The trailer even warns against it.

The worst part? You watch a castration. It doesn’t matter that Hayley isn’t really performing a castration on Jeff, you see it anyway.

There are so many unanswered questions with this movie. While there is a resolution to the conflict at hand, you're left wondering who the characters are and what motives drive them to do what they did.

 After.Life (Drama/Horror/Mystery)
Director: Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo
Stars: Christina Ricci as Anna Taylor, Liam Neeson as Elliot Deacon, Justin Long as Paul Coleman
Box Office Earnings: $3,260,454

This movie had so much potential, but it never delivered on any of it. Liam Neeson played an amazing role, as usual, but his performance just couldn’t save it. There are too many questions left unanswered. Is Christina Ricci’s character truly dead, or is Neeson’s character some psychopath who just takes joy in burying people alive? Ricci’s character is also very unlikable for a heroine. I found myself annoyed with her for the majority of the movie, partially because of her ineffectiveness.

This movie could have been great, but it was missing… something. The plot line was flat, no twists or turns to keep you interested and nothing climactic to make it worth it.

The creepiest part of the entire movie was the little boy, and I’m still not sure what his purpose in the movie was.
 
MacGruber (Action/Comedy)
Director: Jorma Taccone
Stars: Will Forte as MacGruber, Kristen Wiig as Vicki St. Elmo, Ryan Phillipe as Lt. Dixon Piper, Val Kilmer as Dieter von Cunth
Box Office Earnings: $8,460,995
What can I say about this movie other than remark on the stupidity of it? Yes, there were parts I laughed at (for the sheer stupidity of the situation) but they were few and far between. Mostly I was shaking my head and wondering why on earth we rented this movie.

I do have a bit of trivia for you concerning this movie though that may have contributed to the badness - six pro wrestlers made appearances in it, including The Great Khali, Kane, The Big Show and Chris Jericho.
The Green Hornet (Action/Comedy/Crime)
Director: Michael Gondry
Stars: Seth Rogen as The Green Hornet, Jay Chou as Kato
Box Office Earnings: $98,780,042

I've previously reviewed this movie on my blog, so I won't repeat myself. Instead, I'll provide you the link to that review.

Burn After Reading (Comedy/Crime/Drama)
Director: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen
Stars: George Clooney as Harry Pfarrer, Brad Pitt as Chad Feldheimer, Francis McDormand as Linda Litzke, John Malkovich as Osborne Cox, Tilda Swinton as Katie Cox
Box Office Earnings: $60,355,347
I watched this movie with a friend of mine after a really rough weekend. By the time we finished it, we both looked like Rodin’s ‘The Thinker’. We had no idea what had actually happened. There was one point in the movie where we thought we had found a plot line only to discover a few scenes later that things were just as jumbled as ever.

I will admit that I truly enjoyed Clooney and Pitt’s performances in this movie, but sadly their skills weren’t enough to make up for a lack of plot line. And while this movie does a great thing in showing how we’re all connected to each other in some way, in the end you’re left wondering ‘what the hell just happened?’

I think this partial viewer review from imdb sums it up quite nicely: “It's a conspiracy espionage thriller with no stakes, nothing to fight over, a bunch of complete fools and idiots caught in the middle of it ("a league of morons" if you listen to John Malkovich's character), and disastrous consequences for just about everyone.”

The Happening (Sci-Fi/Thriller)
Director: M. Night Shyamalan
Stars: Mark Wahlberg as Elliot Moore, Zooey Deschanel as Alma Moore
Box Office Earnings: $163,403,799

I should have known better than to watch this movie when I saw who directed it. I’ve never been a fan of M. Night Shyamalan, The 6th Sense notwithstanding. If I hadn’t looked up the summary of this movie, I never would have figured it out. The plot wasn’t helpful, the suspense was never seen through to a conclusion, and the viewer is left with nothing more than theories as to what actually happened.

I watched this movie with an ex-boyfriend. We both mistakenly thought it was about biological warfare. Instead it’s about nature going on the attack. Now I’m not talking about animals going crazy. I’m talking about the wind. The wind blows and if you’re out in it, you go crazy and kill yourself. It isn’t explained, only theorized that it has something to do with the disappearance of bees … and that theory is only postulated in the first few minutes of the movie.
 
I'm particularly fond of this review on imdb: “"The Happening" is unbelievably, impossibly, ridiculously, hilariously, inconceivably bad.”
 
The Fog (Action/Mystery/Thriller)
Director: Rupert Wainwright
Stars: Tom Welling as Nick Castle, Maggie Grace as Elizabeth Williams, Selma Blair as Stevie Wayne
Box Office Earnings: $29,511,112

In order for a horror movie to be good, it has to make sense. That’s where this movie fails.

My friends and I watched this movie our freshman year of college. We turned off the lights, closed the shades and all got our protective shields to hide behind (pillows/blankets) and prepared ourselves for the scariness we were sure was about to ensue. But that adrenaline rush we had prepared for never came. I didn’t hide behind my shield once, and I’m the type of person who spends the majority of a scary movie watching with just one eye.
 
This is quite possibly the best viewer review I have ever read about a movie, so I thought I would share:“Allow me to save you $8 by offering something you can do at home that is just as entertaining as watching this movie. Go get a load of whites and throw it in your dryer. Now, add in one red sock. (Make sure everything's dry so you don't end up with a bunch of pink laundry.) Now, hopefully you have the kind of dryer that has the clear window in front. If you do, start the load and watch the laundry spin around. Every time you see the red sock pretend to be scared.

That's it. That's the equivalent to seeing this movie. As entertaining as watching your laundry dry and every bit as scary as a red sock.”
 
Catwoman (Action/Crime/Fantasy)
Director: Pitof
Stars: Halle Berry as Patience Phillips/Catwoman
Box Office Earnings: $82,102,379
 
This movie was just bad, probably the worst way that Catwoman could ever be portrayed on the silver screen. I can sum up my thoughts of this production with part of a viewer’s review on imdb, “The fact that Halle Berry even uses a male stunt double, makes me loose all respect for both her and this movie. Besides the stunt double thing, the movie still sucks. The dialog sucks, the acting is not even present and the action looks sloppy and poorly thought through.”
 
Halle Berry even earned a Razzie award for her performance in this movie, which she personally accepted. At least she was a good sport about it though.
 
Perfect Stranger (Crime/Drama/Mystery)
Director: James Foley
Stars: Halle Berry as Rowena Price, Bruce Willis as Harrison Hill
Box Office Earnings: $23,705,592

This movie failed to bridge a connection with its audience. My roommate and I rented it because of what it was supposed to be about – a journalist going undercover to investigate her friend’s murder. Sounds promising right? It was a major disappointment.

The acting was subpar, as is characteristic with many Halle Berry films I’ve seen (excluding XMen). Her character wasn’t convincing at all. In fact, the movie wasn’t convincing either. It had the sufficient amount of twists, but that’s all it had. There was no substance to the movie, no depth to the characters, and when it was finally over there was a sense of relief despite the sense of incompleteness.

Max Payne (Action/Crime/Drama)
Director: John Moore
Stars: Mark Wahlberg as Max Payne, Mila Kunis as Mona Sax
Box Office Earnings: $40,687,294

This movie is a bit of a blur to me. A lot of that is due to the fact that the movie was hard for me to follow. I typically like Mark Wahlberg, but in this film his character didn’t invoke any response from me whatsoever. I never really understood who he was outside of a detective intent on bringing his family’s killer to justice. Then there are the parts of the movie related to an addictive hallucinogen. They’re just crazy, plain and simple.

These movies that I picked didn't make it onto IMDB's Bottom 100 list. The majority of those movies are ones I'd never heard of until doing my research for this post. However, most of the titles I did recognize were spoofs or parodies, so not exactly Oscar-worthy productions there.

And if you're looking for something slightly entertaining to do, head over to Rotten Tomatoes and check out their list of 25 movies so bad they're unmissable.

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8 comments

  1. When I saw the title of this blog I was hoping you would have The Happening on here.

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  2. I couldn't not include that movie. It was awful, pure and simple. A total waste of time.

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  3. I heard a lot of negative stuff about The Green Hornet so I didn't watch it. Actually, I don't watch a lot of movies. Hehe.

    This post is not updating on my dashboard. Just saw the link on Facebook. Hey, I'm dedicated! :p

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  4. Well, my friend, these are movies you should strive to avoid! They're definite wastes of time.

    My dashboard half the time tells me I'm not following anyone.

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  5. I know, right! We thought it would be amusing, but even my boyfriend didn't like it.

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  6. I agree with your list! I'd like to add Liam Neeson's latest movie..Unknown! I just felt as if I should care more...shouldn't you be making me care more...then the end I was left thinking...WHO CARES!!!

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  7. I just recently watched that movie and have to confess that I had a hard time staying awake during the beginning. My boyfriend liked it though.

    Thanks for stopping by! :)

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