Who Am I?

by - August 16, 2012

You know those nights you lie awake thinking because your brain is too full for you to go to sleep? On nights like those it's almost inevitable that you're going to look at your life - where you are, where you're going, who you're with, what you're doing, what you want to be doing, if you're living life the right way.

I know I'm not a typical 20-something. I look at my life and then at the lives of my coworkers, and it's undeniable. We're living very differently.

I'm 25-years-old and about to get married. I've already achieved a level of success within my chosen career that many people work for years and years to attain. I've carved out a niche for myself, and that is taking me down a path few of my peers are even considering at this point in their lives.

But who am I kidding? I've never been the typical anything. Sure I've done some of the typical things of my age group - partied too much in college, drank more than I should have and made way too many mistakes to dwell on - but when it comes down to it, I've always kind of had my life figured out.

But do I feel like an adult? Not really, and I can't explain why that is. By all accounts I should. I mean, I've been out of college a little more than three years, I've been on my own for the past two-and-a-half years, I have a management position within a respected news organization, and I'm about to get married. All very adult-like qualities. I just don't feel like I've breached that threshold yet, and I don't know what it will take to propel me into that frame of mind.

It's almost like I'm in no-man's land. I don't feel like an adult, but I don't feel like a college kid anymore either. It's like I'm just here, doing my thing, living my life the way I want to without much thought for what I should be doing. But who's to say what I, or anyone else for that matter, should be doing with their life?

Life is a personal journey. It's not up to anyone but ourselves to decide where/when/how we travel through it. Our mistakes are ours to make and the only person we should be trying to satisfy is ourselves.

In the end, it's not about the destination, but rather the adventures, misadventures, friendships, loves, fights, accomplishments and failures that got you there.

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  1. February 1971: I was warming a bar stool and destroying some brain cells in a college town tavern when a new record played on the jukebox. The lyrics included:

    Lines form on my face and hands
    Lines form from the ups and downs
    I'm in the middle without any plans
    I'm a boy and I'm a man

    I'm eighteen
    and I don't know what I want

    Feels like I'm livin in the middle of doubt
    Cause I'm

    I get confused every day

    I'm in the middle
    the middle of life
    I'm a boy and I'm a man
    I'm eighteen and I LIKE IT

    That Alice Cooper anthem became the theme of my entire life. Now approaching 63 I feel like half boy - half man and still don't know what I want to do when (if) I grow up. I take life one day at a time and try to enjoy the ride.

    Eighteen and I like it.