My September book club pick was definitely out of the ordinary for me. I am not a sci-fi, space story type of reader...buuuuut I did go through a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy phase in college. We watched the movie way too many times, and I did eventually read and enjoy the book. So when I saw How to Buy a Planet and read the comparison to Hitchhiker, I had to add it to my TBR.
If I hadn't started doing a monthly book club, I'm not sure I ever would have actually read this book. I chose it for my September pick because I knew that at this point in the school year, my reading would slow down and that I would start rereading my favorites instead of diving into new books, especially ones with deep themes. Basically, I wanted something light and easy and possibly funny. How to Buy a Planet checks all three boxes.
Toby is just a regular guy looking for a flat to rent. On the day he's set to meet his two potential roommates, the leaders of Earth announce to the world that in a move to erase all debt, they have sold the planet to a group of aliens called the Za-Natharians. While the rest of the planet celebrates, Toby finds himself pulled into a plan to reverse the sale and save the planet from impending doom.
This story is told in multiple points of view and not always from that of the main characters. While Toby is set up to be the titular character, Paranoid Dave, Charlie, and the professor and his housekeeper (Mrs. B.) are all major players. There's also Woola, the Za-Nakarian representative sent to win over the humans, and Biffa, the salesman in charge of auctioning off the planet. We also get a handful of chapters told from the points of view of bystanders who have no real impact on the story at large.
To avoid spoilers, skip to the end of this post.
***Spoilers***
The story begins in a crowded English pub. Toby has an appointment there to meet with his potential new roommates, Dave (who's quite the paranoid conspiracy theorist) and Charlie (a not-quite-finished atmospheric chemist). Just an hour before, the rulers of the world announced they would have a live announcement of some kind, so everyone is gathering in front of the nearest television to tune in. What they hear is unbelievable -- not only do aliens exist but the rulers of the Earth have sold the planet to a group of them!
The gist of the sale is this -- the leading countries of the world are drowning in debt and have no way of paying it all back, especially in the wake of an unnamed global health crisis. The way the rulers tell it, this is a wonderful opportunity for not just the world's leading countries but also for their citizens. Not only will each country's debt be wiped away but also that of every single person on the planet! Then, they wheel out Woola who essentially hypnotizes the entire world with his cuteness and bubble blowing.
Just as the world-wide celebrations begin, Toby and Paranoid Dave meet the professor, who quickly pops the bubble of jubilation surrounding them. Turns out, this sale is not a good thing, and planet Earth is on the chopping block. According to the professor, the Za-Nakarians plan to release weather-altering chemicals into the Earth's atmosphere that would cause sea levels to rise as well as increase the temperature in the northern and southern hemispheres while making the areas around the equator uninhabitable. Eventually, the entire planet would become unstable and be discarded. The professor also reveals that an unpleasant race of aliens called the Golgathans are behind the whole thing and plan to sell off the planet at the intergalactic stock exchange.
Now, Toby, Paranoid Dave, and Charlotte, who arrived late to the party, must set out to save the planet. Their plan is to catch up to Woola and talk to him about what's actually happening, but first, they have to evade a tactical response team that's on a mission to retrieve the professor and any other conspirators.
Their adventure takes them underneath Downing Street to a top secret government agency that houses an intergalactic travel system called the Personalitron. It's kind of like a teleportation device mixed with a 3-D printer. It works by transferring the person's consciousness to a new location where a replica body has been made for them. Because this mode of space travel is outdated, sometimes the full consciousness doesn't transfer. That's how they finally lose the tactical team -- the two leaders follow Toby and Dave into space where they become spa technicians.
Toby and Dave catch up to Woola and subsequently Biffa, who is in charge of selling Earth. They learn the details of the plan and then reconvene with the rest of their group on the planet Ormilu, a kind of safe haven. There, they come up with a plan to buy back the planet by essentially outsmarting Biffa.
There is an uninhabited, unlivable planet called Ph'Estoun. On it is the most virulent disease in the known universe. Toby and Dave plan to travel there, contract the virus, and then crash the investor meeting preceding the sale of Earth. So long as they are able to travel back to their original bodies via Personalitron, the disease will not kill them.
Surprisingly, their plan works. Toby and an infected Dave interrupt the investors meeting, convincing the potential buyers of Earth that a new type of sickness has started to spread on the planet. Then, through a financial scheme that I honestly didn't quite understand, they manage to buy back the planet for a little less than $1.
Meanwhile, Charlie is on her on side quest to stop the fleet of weather-altering chemical-carrying spaceships that have been circling the planet. She's successful, but you don't actually get any details of what goes down during this part other than witness accounts of the ships leaving.
Anyway, they all meet back up at Dave and Charlie and now Toby's flat, where they've gathered the Earth's leaders as well as the press to deliver a new announcement to the world. They reveal the truth of the sale and then unveil 10 laws for how the planet will operate.
***End Spoilers***
So, final thoughts. This is definitely a niche-specific book that I would not recommend to just anyone. I agree that this book is very similar to Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. There were very noticeable parallels. Honestly, it wouldn't be a leap to say How to Buy a Planet is a kind of retelling. At the very least, it's obvious that D.A. Holder drew inspiration from its pages.
There was also a good bit of relevancy to what was happening at the time the book was written. It came out in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic. There are many references to a global health crisis, social distancing, and the ensuing financial issues.
Personally, I enjoyed the British humor and wit. I also liked all the cut-away scenes showing the perspectives of non-main characters. I thought some of the sciency stuff was incredibly clever and creative; the idea behind the Personalitrons was ingenious.
On the downside, I wasn't super impressed with how the author wrote Charlie's character, and I felt that he missed some opportunities with her. There were also some random plot points that felt incomplete like the hedgehog and the man living on the isolated planet of Ormilu. I also didn't understand all the financial lingo with the stock exchange, but it didn't really take away from the story.
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