E: Police Scanner News

by - March 22, 2010

Sorry, guys. No strippers or sexy halloween costumes today.

You know how back in the old days people used to sit around their radios the way we sit around our TVs? Well, part of my overnight production job is listening to the police scanners all night long. (I just had that scene from The Water Boy flash through my mind...) You're right. It's not like listening to a radio and it's definitely not like watching TV, but you'd be surprised at some of the things I hear in the wee hours of the morning.

Take this morning for instance. The dispatcher comes over the scanner talking about a string of car thefts that have taken place within the past couple of hours. A woman called in a tip, saying she had witnessed a man breaking into a car. I didn't hear the actual tip, but I did get to hear the dispatch lady explain it to the police people and this is what I imagined as I listened:

Caller: Man has gun.
Dispatch Lady: Are you sure, ma'am?
Caller: Man has gun.
Dispatch Lady: Your call = evidence = recorded.
Caller: Man no have gun.

I'm sure the actual transaction wasn't quite this ape-like, but hey. I'm up here by myself all night. Imagining that woman with the mentality of an ape passed a good five minutes for me. But wait! The story continues...

So now the police are scouring the city looking for this car thief, right? Well apparently he's a quick a little bugger 'cause from all the different locations they were radioing to each other they were hitting all four corners of town. Then the dispatch lady's voice crackles back out at us:

Dispatch Lady: We've gotten several complaints of a man jumping out in front of traffic.

My attention is instantly glued to the scanner.

Police Man: Can I get a description of the suspect?
Dispatch Lady: He's possibly wearing a red sweatshirt and has a black backpack.

So now all the police people are radioing each other about this idiot who's playing in traffic and the search begins anew. Now I'm not sure if the Frogger wannabe was the same person as the car burglar, but I imagine him to be. It's funnier that way. Whatever. So the police are scouring the city for this guy in his red sweatshirt, and again by the different locations they're relaying to each other they're covering pretty much every corner of town, but to no avail.

The red sweatshirt wearing, black backpack carrying car dodger is still on the loose, as is the car burglar. And I have no idea what happened to the ape-like tipper who reported the thief may or may not have been armed. Hopefully she stumbled on home and went to bed.

This is what Frogger man makes me think, btw. I'd like to know his purpose for playing in traffic. I mean, I'm sure he's just under the influence of something. I'd like to know what. So I can avoid it.

And now I'm going to retract my very first statement and show you this:
A sexy Halloween costume complete with stripper boots. I totally just rocked two birds with one stone. You know you like that pun. Anyway, I think I could pull this one off too. I already have the hat and fishnets...

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  1. Oh hey she has handcuffs too! And police scanners can be cool, let's you have raw news as it's happening!

  2. You're in night shift too? Yay for us! Haha! Anyway, don't you think the tipper is on crack or something? ;)

  3. Richard: Most of the raw news you speak of is cops talking to one another or random music playing... lol

    Dyinetch: I know, right? Night shift is great! Except for the whole not really sleeping thing. And it's very possible that she was. I should say probable.

  4. Frogger guy was quite possibly on LSD... or an idiot in the worst sense of the word. But who cares, because that outfit is hot!

    You should totally rock it out. I mean it.

    And Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

    Just thought you should know that.

  5. Christina: I knew you'd appreciate my pun. Even if you did have to Chuck Norris it. Haha. And maybe one Halloween I will use this costume.